awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize