sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
