My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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