I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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