Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She's the barista slut.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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