u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
