I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
