I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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