You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
