Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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