No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
