If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
