Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
