I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
