a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just blew my weed a kiss
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
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