I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
