Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
