I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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