Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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