Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize