in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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