I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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