Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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