i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your cock deserves a montage
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
