just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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