Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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