I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
