that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she pinky promised me she was 18
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
