just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
