how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
