I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize