my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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