When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
