oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
