You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize