i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
