he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You need a sexual gate keeper
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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