"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
