Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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