I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
