I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
