And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
