it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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