Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
