you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
