Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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