I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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