Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
