I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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