Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
