o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I haven't been this sober since birth.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
