I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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