Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
