Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize