Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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