I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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