I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
