thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
