i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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