somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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