my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
