It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Randomize
