..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
