when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize