Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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