Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
