i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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