just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
