worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
