im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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