I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
