why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
