i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize