I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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