I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
