is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
