Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
