Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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