i permit you to call me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
