I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
