i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
