so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
