just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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