you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
