best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
