i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
