Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
