I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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