Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
