the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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