oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize