If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
