He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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