I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
