Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
