We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
