It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think i have herpe
just one?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize