dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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