i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
