I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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