so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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