i need an iv and a liver transplant
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
