I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize