Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
