He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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