I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
