It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
