There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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