One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
