sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize