I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
