Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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