you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
