I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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