East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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