He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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