if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
