I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
