Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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