I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
