Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
