just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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