I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
