we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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