Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
