oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
