She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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