how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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