Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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