i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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