...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
